Category Archives: Sin

In Abrahamic contexts, sin is the act of violating God’s will. Sin can also be viewed as anything that violates the ideal relationship between an individual and God — a debt to an ideal order for human living an — order which is known in full only to God. Sin has been defined as “to miss the mark”.

Reading: Philokalia: The Eastern Christian Spiritual Texts by G. E. H. Palmer, Philip Sherrard and Kallistos Ware

The Philokalia was one of the first books I read on the subject of early Christian mysticism and continues to inspire my wonderful journey.  In many ways, I consider it a tasting menu and cross section of the greatest Christian philosophers, mystics, and writers of all ages.

By late February 2013, my midlife crisis of the previous two years had evolved into a crisis of faith.  Spiritually I was going to hit a tremendous crossroads that would change me forever.  As I sat on my couch editing GGCBCC, I grabbed a straw that had been pointing at me for awhile.  That straw was a number.  662.

I was led to the Philokalia by way of Wikipedia when I typed in the number 662 into Google one night.  It’s amusing that we ever made it through our day without Google.  The number had come up in my life too many times recently to be discounted any longer.    Among other things, it was the date of the death of Saint Maximus the Confessor.  If you have ever read an author that really speaks to you down to your very soul, that’s what happened to me with Saint Maximus.  As I read the Wikipedia entry, I took notes pulling out the relevant authors and books that might continue my education once I finished GGCBCC.  My first book was the Philokalia.

We have a wonderful public library system in San Mateo County.  It allows you to pull books in from different branches and that is exactly what I began doing.  I am always open to suggestions for further reading, but for me the Philokalia was the perfect choice to begin my education.  It paints a beautiful mosaic from the excerpts of leading Christian thinkers and philosophers during the creation and formation of the Christian religion.  These contributors included mystics, desert hermits, Saints, and even the kernel of philosophers that together created the operating system we call Christianity.

I used to believe that religious folks were superstitious and feared science and reason.  The state of Texas was proof in my mind with their desire to outlaw critical thinking in schools.  Then I realized that I had typecast all Christians into an extremist minority no different than many Americans probably do with followers of the Jewish or Muslim faith.  The Philokalia demonstrated to me the incredible critical thinking and reasoning that was required to build the foundation of the Christian Church.

If you can only read one book on Christianity to start your journey, I recommend the Philokalia.  It will show you a beautiful back story to Christianity that will inspire further reading.

The Dream Part 2: Do Not Fear. Anything.

I felt this part of my dream was a little dramatic and, until I reflected on it, unnecessary at that moment.  When I first heard “Do Not Fear. Anything”, my immediate reaction was “I am not afraid.  You showed me what comes next.  I welcome coming home when you call me”.  Immediately all the moments of anxiety and second-guessing came flooding back into my memory from the last month.  God showed me my fear.  When I started to the process of following the Divine Pattern and abandoning my ego last year I lost much of my fear as I let go of my earthly attachments.  Focusing on leading a pious life had greatly simplified my existence and brought a degree of peace to my soul.

This message was very direct and to the point.  I was very comfortable in my understanding that my life on earth is an interim stage.  The continuing efforts to annihilate my ego had further reduced or eliminated fear of loss or attachment.  However, fear still haunted my heart.  This fear represented second-guessing recent events in my life around the loss of a good friend.  I understood at that moment that those regrets, second-guessing, and worrying was the work of my ego still trying to protect itself.  I will discuss the specific instance in a future post.  However, In this very direct manner, I was told to stop fearing.  Anything.  Moving forward, whenever I found myself encountering regrets or second guessing events I would remember those words:  “Do not fear.  Anything”.

 

Background

In March 2011, as I awaited a tsunami in Hawaii, my midlife crisis was answered by an incredible dream.  I was shown the mechanics of something wonderful.   The message was simple: all I needed was imagination and will to create change in the world.  I had been unhappy for a decade, feeling I was a victim of soul-crushing societal programming and parental pressures to climb the corporate ladder and found that happiness was promised just over the next hill time and time again.  I felt like the cranky old man who tells stories of how he had to walk uphill to school in the snow both ways as a child.

After the dream, I took charge of my life.  I started writing, lost 100 pounds, and got back into shape.  Over the next two years I wrote in hotel rooms, on dinner napkins, on airplanes, and texted myself ideas as I drove or hiked: whenever inspiration struck.  I incorporated what I saw in that first dream into my own life and into the observations of the world around me.  I captured every epiphany I experienced until I had over 300 pages of notes and anecdotes.

As I edited God, Gravity, and the Change Between the Couch Cushions, I came to a fork in the road.  I felt the journey ahead was my choice.  I could apply what I learned to serve myself or to serve others.  I tried for two years to deny my experience as religious intervention.  You see, I was raised Lutheran.  What my wife likes to call “Catholic-Lite”.  However, I had never felt a connection to God or my church.  I grew more agnostic with each passing year until I actually became anti-organized religion.  I wasn’t an Atheist or anti-God, but I saw the transgressions and failures of organized religion as a fatal flaw in logic and reason.  This was compounded by such news as religious groups attempting to pass laws against critical thinking.  I had my degree in systems engineering and although science and religion did not conflict with each other in my life, when your neighbor builds a fence it makes you wonder why.

My journey of discovery would have been easier to explain as a religious experience but I wasn’t ready to admit that to myself.  The elation I felt and the epiphanies that I saw, even the choice of words I used to describe my new understanding were unlike anything I had written before.  I always loved science fiction and if given the choice, I imagined writing such a book later in life.  Philosophy was not my strong suit.  In college, I earned a ‘C’ in Philosophy.  However, the tone and texture of my writing was now focused on philosophy and ethics.

In late February 2013, everything was rushing to a decisive point.  My visions became more insistent and during a trip to Minnesota to visit family, the dam final broke.  During an incredible night I learned the power of confession and forgiveness and that ultimately, we are each responsible for our own salvation.  I had chosen the path to follow God and the Divine Pattern of God’s Image within myself.  I would endeavor to annihilate my own ego and piously remove myself from earthly attachments.  In the space my ego had occupied within my heart, I would endeavor to fill that emptiness with the Holy Spirit and God’s Grace and to become an instrument of His Will.

In April 2013, two events happened at nearly the same time.  Several numbers kept coming up in my life and one night I ‘Googled’ the number 662 on a lark.  That simple action opened a flood gate of discovery.  One coincidence became two, then four, then sixteen onward and upward at a geometric rate.  As I turned this corner of discovery, I was reunited with an old friend, David.  David was in my unit in Alaska and an old friend from my Support Platoon.  I knew David was Catholic so as we caught up, I described what I experienced and he shared some of his own experiences from Iraq.  Although I attributed my original dream and all the subsequent life changing experiences to God, I was still firmly against organized religion.  However, in a single evening talking with David, even that final bulwark collapsed.

I started to read.  A LOT.  Mainly early Christian Mystics and several Saints that I encountered along the way.   I wasn’t looking for answers.  I was looking for teachers able to craft their experiences and contemplation on the Divine in such a way so that I may discover my own truths within my heart.  I’ll share each of those books and what I learned from them in future blog posts.  It is heartbreaking that so many unhappy people in desperate need of spiritual counsel from all faiths avoid such authors because they associate Saints with the Catholic Church.  I am not Catholic but I assure you that there are no better spokespeople or resources for such diverse and intrinsically valuable contemplation as these legends of spirituality.

Letter to Lucifer released on Amazon

On April 19th, 2013, I wrote this letter. I was in the middle of finishing a chapter for my book GGBCCC. In the midst of typing, my train of thought was interrupted and Letter to Lucifer from The Witness just came out. I did not sit down intending to write it.
This is just a letter, perhaps two pages in length.  I included it with God doesn’t Whisper.  I was moved to write it in a heavenly ecstasy of emotion.

http://www.amazon.com/Letter-Lucifer-The-Witness-Matthew-ebook/dp/B00CGFK6KQ/

I usually put it up for free download once a month.